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how do i feel like a kid again

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it was a beautiful day outside, the kind of day someone writes about, like i am right now. where i live, good weather is cherished because it doesn't come by often. me and my best friend are on a walk. birds are chirping to each other. and to me. the sun is in my face and a soft breeze, in my hair. there are huge willows with delicately falling leaves, messing with the sunlight. the pink cherry blossoms are matching colours with the sky. i can smell the earth. and i am here with one of my favorite people. in all this beauty, i felt a feeling i hadn't felt in a long, long time. my words fail to describe it, but to put it simply, i felt content. like nothing else matters because it is a magical day in nature. i only felt it for a few minutes because i became aware that i was feeling it. and then a question popped into my head: how do i feel like a kid again? childhood is long behind me now, but it still feels close to me. somewhere between then and now i grew up. now i realise, t...
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being perceived

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how much of ourselves do we erase everyday to fit in? how much of our lives do we waste away trying to conform to our own and other people's expectations of ourselves. i couldn't get back to writing here for the longest time because i thought that it's pretty ridiculous that i still want to write.  everyone loves making fun of everything these days and people just stuck in one place especially derive strange pleasure off of downsizing people for trying, or maybe that is just what i pay attention to, because i've also seen so many people being really nice and supportive. but at the end of the day, does it really matter what anyone thinks at all? isn't this my blog? my thoughts and words? what i'm saying is something you've probably heard from a lot of people, but it is really hard to practice all the time. overcoming the aversion of being perceived and then being judged after being perceived is really tough. last year on my flight home, i thought to myself, i...
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femininity

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is femininity a social construct? yes. does it make sort of make sense even though it's a social construct? yes.  femininity is generally a set of attributes that is associated with a woman, it is of course, a cultural norm, but somehow it makes sense. every woman need not display femininity and men can also be open about their femininity. okay, enough justifying the topic of discussion for today. i want to talk about people embracing their feminine sides. as children, we have certain interests that may align with what we consider feminine interests, like putting make up on, painting your nails or even general skincare. instead of considering these attributes as a normal part of one's personality, we considered them a form of femininty or weakness.  i don't think it was me who considered it a form of weakness, it was the general perception of the crowd i was around. femininity is generally associated with fragility. women (and men) feel the need to conform to these norms of...
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coming of age

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growing up is such an underrated feeling. i feel like writing so much about it now, maybe because i never truly processed it, the harsh reality that i was growing up. thanks to the pandemic. but now that everything is opening up and i'm in 11th (almost) it's hitting me like a BUS.  i don't think about me growing up everyday, but i feel it in fleeting moments. like when i look in the mirror and realize how tall truly am. or when my mom gives me earrings that i saw her wear when i was a child. or when a plate set we've had for 16 years breaks. or when you see buildings where there were parks earlier. or when your favorite celebrities get married, you probably get the picture. and there's two sides to me feeling like a grownup, one is where i'm so happy that i get to live on my own terms and then there's just this pure wave of sadness because i have to leave everything behind. like i'm running out of time. and also there's moments i don't actually k...
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The tragic death of social skills and friendships

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hi, why don't you listen to this  song  while reading :) high school sucks. on so many levels. one of the suckiest parts of it is having a social life. one of the first requirements of high school is having a social life. love life is for people who've managed to ace the social part. i clearly haven't. this is the part where i tell you about the friends i had in middle school. good lot. of course, back-biting is a MUST in middle school friendships.  high school however seems like a different scenario. especially due to the fact that i was locked inside my house for two (2) years. first day was kind of weird because all these different people i was friends with in middle school, had friends of their own. i mean so did i, but everyone seemed really distant with each other and mostly kept to their own groups. (so did i)(what even are social skills?) most of us had become kind of distant because we barely texted during the pandemic. a lot of the seniors graduated and everythi...
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Permanently and inevitably, flawed

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This blog contains content that might be triggering to some. It talks about a few grave topics like body image and bodyshaming. Please proceed only if you wish to :) Indians were generally pretty normal, there was not any restriction on anyone wearing anything. Invasion after invasion, our standards of beauty and practices warped into something unhealthy. British left, but this practice or rather now, the restriction of wearing short clothes remained (I mean so did their colonized beauty standards but that's a whole other story). Since then, year after year, the same story has been repeated. Keep in mind that it's not even been a hundred years since freedom, but we've come a long, long way.  I think the only reason anyone wears certain types of clothes is because they feel comfortable in it. That's the way it should be. Wear what you want for yourself, not for others, not for your family or for someone on the street that's oogling you. Clothes are based on comfort, ...
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Growing Pains

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Hola mis amigos, long time no see, once again, I really miss writing on here so now I'm going to make an effort to keep doing that. WITHOUT FAIL THIS TIME ALRIGHT. It's been a busy few months, the last 3 months went by preparing for and giving board exams, pre boards before that, inter school competitions before that. Projects, essays, submission deadlines just thinking about it makes me cringe. Now, don't get me wrong, I love studying, but sitting in front of a screen listening to the teacher blabber on isn't exactly my ideal form of syllabus intake. This was a truly chaotic year and everyone who got through it should be very proud. Things were very uncertain to say the least, we began the year with the reopening of schools, then we closed again, a huge wave hit, then we opened again, then we closed again, then we had boards then we closed again and now we finally open again in January (if Omicron decides to take it easy on us). I mean it's really not that easy man...
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